A Baby Story

On Thursday October 24 2013 we went into the doctors’ office to get a check up and ultrasound. According to our last ultrasound we knew the baby was small but there wasn’t a real concern yet. So we were doing another ultrasound on this day to check on her growth. As the tech took us through we were once again mesmerized by our little girl. At the end of the ultrasound the tech said "well everything looks good she is tiny but she looks good"… So I asked how tiny, was tiny. She then told us she was still only measuring at about 33 weeks gestation.  I was at 38, my heart sank I knew then that the doctor was going to induce me. She had said that was a possibility but I really didn’t think it would come to this. Why wasn't my baby growing, why wasn't my body enough? When the doc came in , sure enough , she was ready to send me to the hospital that day.

 I had really hoped to have the most natural birth  possible. I researched and planned. We spent money on a doula that would help Brandon and I reach this goal  and it seemed I wasn’t going to be starting on the right foot. I was upset, nervous, and scared. Would I be able to have the birth I hoped for? Would my tiny baby be okay. In my fog of nerves and questions I was able to think straight for one moment. I asked her if she would strip my membranes and give me a little more time to go into labor on my own. She agreed but would only give us until the next evening then we were to come in and get induced.

As we walked out I held Brandon’s hand feeling a huge range of emotions. One of those emotions was an excitement that we would be meeting our sweet Ainsley very soon. Another stronger one, was I enough? My body wasn't working now, growing my baby properly- why would it be enough come time for labor?

I was glad my sister had stayed with us and I had someone to be home with me while Brandon finished up the work day. Kylee and I went to the mall and walked and got special teas and sat on exercise balls, and did a lot of things to try and start labor naturally. Unfortunately none of that worked. So the next day, Friday, Brandon stayed home from work and we walked and talked and rested.  Brandon lovingly reminded me to rest that day, he reminded me I was in for a lot of work and I needed to not exhaust myself just trying to go into labor- because I would be that evening whether I was rested or not.  We waited until 730 when we were supposed to call the hospital.  When it came time to leave for the hospital we were both so nervous. We just hoped everything would go okay.  We hoped we would still be able to have some control over labor and that our baby would be alright.

We were admitted around 9pm started to make things happen. Right off I was disappointed to find out that once they started administering the medicine I wouldn’t be able to get off monitors which meant I was stuck to the bed. This was hard as I had envisioned being able to walk, move around, use the tub, and other methods of distraction for the pain that was to come.  They gave me a pill that they hoped would start my labor but that didn’t work so around 4:00am they started the pitocin. It was a long night of getting checked and rechecked and adjusting the medicine to get a consistent pattern started. Around 9am contractions were getting very consistent. I felt like I was doing great breathing through them, hopefully making progress... They checked me and I was still only at a 2 so the doctor said she wanted to break my water to try and get things moving. We agreed knowin our doula was on the way and hopefully it would start to pick up. 

They turned up the pitocin and broke my water and I could not believe the pain that came after this, and how quickly it came. The first few contractions were so intense and they were only getting worse fast! I was so completely shocked and overwhelmed. I thought it would be gradual I was doing fine with the other contractions. My plan went out the window, I was completely beyond reason- I quickly made the choice to get an epidural. I was shocked by the pain and knew I wouldn’t even be able to focus on the amazing event about to take place I was in so much pain. Unfortunately it took a long time to get mom comfortable. Luckily daddy and our doula were there to help me get through the hour of intense contractions until finally the THIRD time I received an epidural it worked.  He gave me a large dose and I finally felt much better! They checked me and I was a 4 so the nurse said it would be awhile and they would check me in about 4 hours. So I settled in ready for a little nap after what had been a long night and morning. However, before I could really even get some rest the nurse came back and said my doc wanted me to be checked again.

When she checked me her all got big and she looked at me in shock and said you are at a 9 and your baby is very, very low. She asked “are you not feeling this” I looked at her with a shocked smile and said “nope”.  After another hour it was time to push. Pushing was a long process for me. I was so pumped full of meds and my labor went so quickly I really wasn’t feeling what I needed to in order to push effectively.  They anesthesiologist came in and turned my medicine down a few times. By the time little Ainsley was born, I felt everything. Which honestly, was okay with me. There were moments the pain was unbearable. There were moments I thought, why did I want to feel this. Couldnt they just do a c-section that seemed like a much better option at this point. Finally I felt my body completely take over and do its job, it was really an amazing thing. The doc told me to slow down and not push... I started laughing... I wasn't pushing, I no longer had control but in the best way.  Finally after almost two hours the doctor said to me “Brianne get your baby”  so I reached down and grabbed under her arms and pulled her up to my chest.

I was completely overwhelmed by this tiny person suddenly dependent on me. She was so quiet they took her quickly to check her. I was concerned-why wasn’t she crying. When I heard her first cry I cannot explain the joy that came through me and completely consumed me. She settled down quickly she just didn't want to cry she was quiet and sweet and oh my goodness beautiful. She came back to me and we quickly started a feeding and she latched right away.

This tiny 5lb 6oz beauty was just so ready to be in this world and entered it at 446pm on October 26, 2013. She was struggling inside me, she had stopped growing the way she needed, the cord was around her neck. Yet, through all this she was born completely healthy. There was no nicu visits, no extra time. My tiny girl was perfect. After she fed my husband held our daughter for the first time. He sat in a chair with her and cried, he fell head over heels in love. In that moment my love for him grew as well. He was an amazing partner, and coach throughout the labor. I really couldn’t have done it without him. He was so attentive, supportive, and loving.  He applies all those things now with our daughter he is such an amazing dad.

What a blessed day.  We love you so much Ainsley Kaye.