What One Year means...

One YeAr, 12 months, 365days

This year has meant everything to me it has truly been the most challenging and amazing year of my life. I  discovered so much about life, love, and myself when my tiny 5lb 6oz beautiful girl came into this world of ours. I have always thought of myself as a caretaker of others and someone who loves deeply. After becoming a mom I realized while that was true, I learned that all of my care taking of family and other people's children really couldn't prepare me for my own, I learned that you could feel a deeper love then I could have ever imagined possible. This feeling is so powerful and yet can at the same time make you feel so powerless. Motherhood is an absolute roller coaster of fear and courage. 

This year has meant learning how much love and support I have from wonderful family and friends. I learned that while it seems silly you actually love the other people in your life more as I would watch them interact and fall in love with my daughter. This is especially true of my husband. Having children can really be hard on a relationship however, I feel so blessed in saying that it has truly made us stronger. From the moment we learned ainsley was on the way my husband has been a true hero! We've made a great team and I know we were meant to be on this journey together. 

This year has meant learning about things I never wanted to learn... Lessons about food allergies and sick kiddos. Trying to learn as much as possible about a confusing rare diagnosis. Learning that FPIES doesn't come with straight answer no matter how much to try to learn. Learning to let go of control when you want to so desperately cling to it. Learning watching your child be sick or hurt is the worst thing in the world.  Being one also means that we have to be more brave then ever. It means we can no longer avoid top allergens and the docs say we have to try. Courage can be so difficult to have when it feels like the courage you need can cause devastation. I hope and pray that one year was enough time for me to have the courage I need now.  The courage to put my faith in the Lords hands that he will protect my daughter.  I am trying to have the courage to believe that even in failure there is success and will move us forward to a "normal" eating schedule for Ainsley.  (Update- we gave you your first "dose" of milk this morning. We are Praying so hard all goes well)

One year has meant more absolute joy then I ever though possible as well. This little girl lights up our world. We laugh more, experience more, smile more, and love more then ever before. For now our family feels so complete. Watching her experience every first has been such a blessing. I have spent everyday for one year with my daughter and I am beyond grateful for that. I would replay every bit of this year over and over if I could. This year has changed me, made me a better more loving, strong, and selfless person.

This year you've changed so much Ainsley Kaye. From the moment you were born your dad and I loved you so completely. You've always been so small and yet so strong and that has stayed the same. We love who you are, and everything you will be. Watching you grow has breathed new life into our home, hearts, and spirit. Happy one year sweet girl! We can't wait for So many more with you!!